Behold, a recent article from our friends at The Onion:
“As we speak, maintenance crews are working diligently to restore public transportation, de-ice roads, and clear back alleyways so that Chicagoans can quickly resume murdering again,” Department of Streets and Sanitation spokesman Dave Michelson said of the heavy blizzard, which caused numerous homicide cancellations this morning at peak murder times.
“Unfortunately, we’re backed up by about 35 deadly shootings at the moment, but we hope to restore regular death tolls as soon as possible. We apologize to anyone forced to postpone shootings or other killings today and assure concerned murderers that they will be able to resume slayings by the early afternoon.”This week we're working on informative reporting; next week on argumentative and persuasive writing. After that, though, we'll be exploring other ways to express opinions and spread awareness, including art, music and even humor. Keep this in mind when we get there.
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